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Golden rules of communication between men and women

Sometimes it seems to be more difficult to come to understanding with your man, than with a foreign company. And you catch yourself on a thought that men and women speak different languages. Examples? As much, as you want:

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Sometimes it seems to be more difficult to come to understanding with your man, than with a foreign company. And you catch yourself on a thought that men and women speak different languages. Examples? As much, as you want:

- Darling, all our friends are already married long ago??¦

- Uh-huh.

- Do you hear me?

- I’m going to a football, let’s discuss your problems the day after tomorrow?

Quite often, a dialogue with a man develop according to one of two scripts: he either keeps silence, like a partisan, or cuts you short crossly. The stronger sex thinks we’re too verbose. That we say wrong things, wrong way and wrong time. There is no doubt: we’re different and the Nature itself laid these differences in us. And that’s why a usual conversation sometimes can turn into a torture: men “spill over banks”, women take offence. What’s the matter?

Completely different

The matter is that we have absolutely different ideas about dialogue and expectations from conversation.

- Men expect information, women - emotional support.

- Men talk to be listened and explode without powder, if we cut them short with leading questions all the time. Women talk to be listened and supported. To be asked important questions full of sense (like “And he? And you?”). And to see one’s interest in their problems. As a wise proverb says: “If a woman asks advice, she just has nobody to unburden her heart to”.

- Men are dumbfounded with a phrase: “We need to talk about our relations”. They can much easier bear ventilating of some concrete problem.

- Men don’t like asking, as they think it’s a demonstration of disrespect for an interlocutor’s independence;
women treat this as a cold indifference to their problems.

Do we have a chance to come to understanding? Of course, we do, we just need to follow certain rules.

Golden rules of communication between men and women

Rule # 1.

Reveal a concrete problem.
Men are oriented on a concrete, clearly marked purpose of conversation. To be more exact, they wish to know - what do you want from them? Knowing an answer to this question, men think they rule the situation. If you announced that you want to talk about buying a vacuum cleaner, this means, he can take a deep breath and not to strain his mind to explain the reason of his yesterday’s late coming home. “Yes, dear, the best model, I’ll check all technical documents myself??¦” And imagine, how frightened he may become at your: “We need to talk promptly!” They are so nervous! We, women, even like to sit comfortably on a sofa with friends and say: “We have something to talk about!” And friends won’t be nervous at all, they’ll rather be glad. Who cares about the subject of conversation? We enjoy the process!

How to repair the situation?
Read out the “agenda”. Tell what you’d like to talk about. Replace “About our relations” by “We’ve been dating for 5 years already. I’m afraid your indecision makes your mother devilishly sad. She certainly already wants to pass her boy in reliable, approved hands. May be, it’s time for us to??¦ part/marry?” Psychologists think women should talk not using hints, but straightly about concrete things. As men are afraid of hints. May be we are up to no good against them? May be we try to manipulate them this way?

Rule # 2.

Don’t think aloud.
As a rule, men think silently, saying just the final result. They prefer to express their thoughts only when they already know a concrete answer or, at least, when they know what they want to tell. We, on the contrary, can walk around our room and tell about everything that occurs to us:
“I need to bring your suit to a dry-cleaner’s today. I’m just going crazy of tiredness and all these problems with our son. I’ve never thought I’d come to such shame: he again has 3 “poors” for the semester and my mother always told me you have got a bad inheritance??¦” Splashing out a sea of complaints and problems aloud just through habit, we even don’t think to expect any support or reaction from men. And they are losing patience??¦

How to repair the situation?
Forget about this sweet habit and think to yourself from now. And tell your man about a concrete problem or claim, when it’s necessary. Well, diffuse abstract complaints on an unhappy female lot can drive any man crazy and redouble this lot.

Rule # 3.

Don’t press down on him!
Commands shouldn’t be discussed only in army. If your relations take place not in the area of operations, then you’d better forget about commands. In peaceful life, the stronger sex prefers to decide independently what to do. So, commands like “Hammer a nail in immediately!” are ignored most often: a man says he’s very busy. That a nail can wait. That earlier you managed to do without it. That we will hammer it in if not today, then tomorrow for sure. Why does this happen?
The answer is simple: you didn’t leave a choice for a man. You didn’t allow him to make a decision independently and realize it. You didn’t give him a chance to punch a table and say, knitting his brow sternly: “I’ve decided to hammer a nail in!”

How to repair the situation?
Ask him politely, not raising your voice. And if you manage to pack your request in just one or two sentences, then a success is guaranteed. If your requests are still not heard, try to hammer a nail in by yourself. In this case, either a man’s conscience will be awakened, or you’ll find you can hammer in nails by yourself excellently.

Rule # 4.

Don’t expect he’ll be describing you feelings he sense in detail.
“He never tells me about his love! Only if I ask him too much??¦ but after this I don’t want any love already!” This is not surprising at all. If we get this happiness “to love with ears”, we get it only during first months of relations. This way they “talk” us. And this is necessary only in the beginning!

Men seldom speak about their other feelings too - resentments, strained relations with other people, problems with subordinates or authorities. Expression of feelings aloud is quite difficult for them. And if a man began a strange monologue, hardly choosing necessary words, we should be proud of the honour that fell on us. On no account cut him short! Listen to him with bated breath. You can hear this not every day! Men pay serious attention to the things they talk about. Most likely, this is natural for them: they strict laconic predecessors killed mammoths, not talked to girlfriends??¦

How to repair the situation?
Try to understand him - he’s not guilty he was born being a man. Trust his deeds, if he’s taciturn. You can teach him to express although some feelings. In a hypnotic sleep. Or under anaesthesia. And it’s better to accept him the way he is. Even is it’s possible to change a man’s nature, this is too laborious process.

Is it worth trying? May be, it’s better to accept rules of the game?

THEY

WE

Conversation is an exchange of information.	Conversation is an interaction
Speaking about private things is indecently.	I need to tell everything in detail to my friend, graphically, in mise en scene.
Friendship is a team-work.	Friendship is common secrets.
A good interlocutor is a one that can listen to you and give a valuable advice when necessary.	A good interlocutor stares wide-eyed actively, whispers: “Really?” and forgets about his meal.
Listening to a woman’s monologues means being under her.	Listening to a man’s monologues is wearsome, but useful.
I’ve said!	I think??¦