Golden rules of communication between men and women

Sometimes it seems to be more difficult to come to understanding with your man, than with a foreign company. And you catch yourself on a thought that men and women speak different languages. Examples? As much, as you want:

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Sometimes it seems to be more difficult to come to understanding with your man, than with a foreign company. And you catch yourself on a thought that men and women speak different languages. Examples? As much, as you want:

- Darling, all our friends are already married long ago??¦

- Uh-huh.

- Do you hear me?

- I’m going to a football, let’s discuss your problems the day after tomorrow?

Quite often, a dialogue with a man develop according to one of two scripts: he either keeps silence, like a partisan, or cuts you short crossly. The stronger sex thinks we’re too verbose. That we say wrong things, wrong way and wrong time. There is no doubt: we’re different and the Nature itself laid these differences in us. And that’s why a usual conversation sometimes can turn into a torture: men “spill over banks”, women take offence. What’s the matter?

Completely different

The matter is that we have absolutely different ideas about dialogue and expectations from conversation.

- Men expect information, women - emotional support.

- Men talk to be listened and explode without powder, if we cut them short with leading questions all the time. Women talk to be listened and supported. To be asked important questions full of sense (like “And he? And you?”). And to see one’s interest in their problems. As a wise proverb says: “If a woman asks advice, she just has nobody to unburden her heart to”.

- Men are dumbfounded with a phrase: “We need to talk about our relations”. They can much easier bear ventilating of some concrete problem.

- Men don’t like asking, as they think it’s a demonstration of disrespect for an interlocutor’s independence;
women treat this as a cold indifference to their problems.

Do we have a chance to come to understanding? Of course, we do, we just need to follow certain rules.

Golden rules of communication between men and women

Rule # 1.

Reveal a concrete problem.
Men are oriented on a concrete, clearly marked purpose of conversation. To be more exact, they wish to know - what do you want from them? Knowing an answer to this question, men think they rule the situation. If you announced that you want to talk about buying a vacuum cleaner, this means, he can take a deep breath and not to strain his mind to explain the reason of his yesterday’s late coming home. “Yes, dear, the best model, I’ll check all technical documents myself??¦” And imagine, how frightened he may become at your: “We need to talk promptly!” They are so nervous! We, women, even like to sit comfortably on a sofa with friends and say: “We have something to talk about!” And friends won’t be nervous at all, they’ll rather be glad. Who cares about the subject of conversation? We enjoy the process!

How to repair the situation?
Read out the “agenda”. Tell what you’d like to talk about. Replace “About our relations” by “We’ve been dating for 5 years already. I’m afraid your indecision makes your mother devilishly sad. She certainly already wants to pass her boy in reliable, approved hands. May be, it’s time for us to??¦ part/marry?” Psychologists think women should talk not using hints, but straightly about concrete things. As men are afraid of hints. May be we are up to no good against them? May be we try to manipulate them this way?

Rule # 2.

Don’t think aloud.
As a rule, men think silently, saying just the final result. They prefer to express their thoughts only when they already know a concrete answer or, at least, when they know what they want to tell. We, on the contrary, can walk around our room and tell about everything that occurs to us:
“I need to bring your suit to a dry-cleaner’s today. I’m just going crazy of tiredness and all these problems with our son. I’ve never thought I’d come to such shame: he again has 3 “poors” for the semester and my mother always told me you have got a bad inheritance??¦” Splashing out a sea of complaints and problems aloud just through habit, we even don’t think to expect any support or reaction from men. And they are losing patience??¦

How to repair the situation?
Forget about this sweet habit and think to yourself from now. And tell your man about a concrete problem or claim, when it’s necessary. Well, diffuse abstract complaints on an unhappy female lot can drive any man crazy and redouble this lot.

Rule # 3.

Don’t press down on him!
Commands shouldn’t be discussed only in army. If your relations take place not in the area of operations, then you’d better forget about commands. In peaceful life, the stronger sex prefers to decide independently what to do. So, commands like “Hammer a nail in immediately!” are ignored most often: a man says he’s very busy. That a nail can wait. That earlier you managed to do without it. That we will hammer it in if not today, then tomorrow for sure. Why does this happen?
The answer is simple: you didn’t leave a choice for a man. You didn’t allow him to make a decision independently and realize it. You didn’t give him a chance to punch a table and say, knitting his brow sternly: “I’ve decided to hammer a nail in!”

How to repair the situation?
Ask him politely, not raising your voice. And if you manage to pack your request in just one or two sentences, then a success is guaranteed. If your requests are still not heard, try to hammer a nail in by yourself. In this case, either a man’s conscience will be awakened, or you’ll find you can hammer in nails by yourself excellently.

Rule # 4.

Don’t expect he’ll be describing you feelings he sense in detail.
“He never tells me about his love! Only if I ask him too much??¦ but after this I don’t want any love already!” This is not surprising at all. If we get this happiness “to love with ears”, we get it only during first months of relations. This way they “talk” us. And this is necessary only in the beginning!

Men seldom speak about their other feelings too - resentments, strained relations with other people, problems with subordinates or authorities. Expression of feelings aloud is quite difficult for them. And if a man began a strange monologue, hardly choosing necessary words, we should be proud of the honour that fell on us. On no account cut him short! Listen to him with bated breath. You can hear this not every day! Men pay serious attention to the things they talk about. Most likely, this is natural for them: they strict laconic predecessors killed mammoths, not talked to girlfriends??¦

How to repair the situation?
Try to understand him - he’s not guilty he was born being a man. Trust his deeds, if he’s taciturn. You can teach him to express although some feelings. In a hypnotic sleep. Or under anaesthesia. And it’s better to accept him the way he is. Even is it’s possible to change a man’s nature, this is too laborious process.

Is it worth trying? May be, it’s better to accept rules of the game?

THEY

WE

Conversation is an exchange of information.	Conversation is an interaction
Speaking about private things is indecently.	I need to tell everything in detail to my friend, graphically, in mise en scene.
Friendship is a team-work.	Friendship is common secrets.
A good interlocutor is a one that can listen to you and give a valuable advice when necessary.	A good interlocutor stares wide-eyed actively, whispers: “Really?” and forgets about his meal.
Listening to a woman’s monologues means being under her.	Listening to a man’s monologues is wearsome, but useful.
I’ve said!	I think??¦

Money bring happiness

Money cannot bring you happiness, old saying states. However, a new research shows the opposite.

Scientists-economists studied a character of expenses and peculiarities of personal finances of 600 people “with large carrying value” all over the world, these people’s available assets exceed 100 000 pounds.

They were asked about their attitude to money and influence wealth had on their lives, and also about motivation to economies and expenses. The result is simple: the bigger bank account is, the wider is mile. There is a shade more women who agree with such statement, than men.

80% of women and 78% of men with cash assets exceeding 500 000 pounds admitted money made them happier in private life.

70% of these women say money gave tem more free time. 2/3 state wealth allowed them improving health, and 63% consider higher salary strengthens satisfaction from work. Money also made 70% of women with cash assets from 100 000 to 50 000 pounds happier.

Economist Intelligence Unit report discovered men prefer spending their fortune on personal coaches, drivers and chefs, and women are inclined to use purchasing agents’, bodyguards’, stylists’ and private doctors’ services.

Travels, restaurants and cultural events – these are rich women’s favorite ways of spending money. Holidays and home design are their general priorities.

37% of women and only 12% of men stated regular shopping bring them pleasure. The report informs that joint fortune of the British richest women equals 33 billions pounds. Recent research states that women will form 53% of millionaires in Great Britain by 2020.

Emma Harrison, a founder of A4E Company with 100 million pounds turnover, dealing with unemployed people’s professional training, agreed big money made her happier, giving her “possibilities and alternatives”.

A 47 y.o. Mrs. Harrison., whose personal fortune equals 55 million pounds, said: “I can allow myself disposing of my whole life. I do not have to think about settlement of accounts, tidying up and other routine”.

Rob Mitchell, “Barclays Wealth Insights: A Question of Gender” editor, accentuated that a woman feels even happier, if she gained her fortune by her own work, not due to a marriage or inheritance.

Japanese culture: want to join?

Japanese restaurants win more and more admirers every day. Their crowding effect in a lunch break or after work – is a bright acknowledgement to this fact. It is already almost impossible to find a person who would not take a great interest in sushi, as they became accessible almost for all levels of population.

But how a real Japanese restaurant looks? Let’s suppose you were lucky to get there. How you will behave?

Japanese are very polite people, and especially to their clients. “A visitor is like god”, a Japanese proverb says, and it concerns visitors of restaurants to the full. Let’s try to answer owners with same politeness.

Europeans should not necessarily know how to bow correctly at a meeting or farewell, however it is still better to nod somehow in reply to a bow, of course. While bowing you should look in the earth, under feet; in general Japanese try not to look into each other’s eyes under any circumstances.

It is not excluded that in an institution where you have come, it is necessary to remove footwear on an entrance - you should be ready to this, but, of course, do not take off shoes, if other visitors do not do so. At some restaurants it is possible to sit down in a Japanese way, i.e. kneel in front of a low little table. But without a habit a European cannot stay in such pose for a long.

Japanese, as well as everyone in the east, use sticks which are called hashi for eating. They can be made of bone or wood (cypress, pine, maple, plum, black or violet sandal tree), and today they can be also made of plastic. Each Japanese has his own hashi since small years, used not only for meal, but also bringing longevity and good luck to their owner. At a restaurant, most likely, they will bring you disposable varibasi, which should be pulled down lengthways, if they have not made this yet.

Take sticks between fingers of one hand and jam with tips of sticks food you wish to send in a mouth. Besides, if a piece is too big, it is possible to divide a piece with sticks, but only very accurately. There is such legend: they say, through the way a girl holds hashi, it is possible to define, whether she will go far from her house, having married. Than closer to a thick end she holds - the further she will go.

Fifteen main rules you should adhere when you use hashi:

1. It is impossible to stick hashi in food, especially rice. It is a bad form.

2. It is impossible to pin food on sticks.

3. For that time you do not use sticks, put their sharp ends to the left.

4. It is impossible to pass food with sticks to other person directly.

5. It is impossible to bring a cup or a plate too close to a mouth and rake up food in a mouth by means of sticks, it is not only indecent, but also ugly.

6. It is also not accepted to “wander” with sticks round meal aimlessly. Before giving a hand, you need to solve, what exactly you wish to take.

7. Try not to drip sauce neither from sticks, nor from food.

8. Try not to fill mouth with food and especially do not stamp it in a mouth by means of sticks.

9. Do not lick a stick.

10. Never specify sticks in someone or something, and do not swing sticks in air.

11. It is impossible to knock sticks on a cup or a plate to draw someone’s attention to yourself.

12. Do not pull a cup and a plate to yourself by means of sticks. Always take them in hands.

13. It is impossible to put sticks across a cup.

14. It is impossible to “draw” with sticks on a table.

15. It is impossible to clamp two sticks in a fist: Japanese perceive this gesture as menacing.

It is difficult to use sticks without some experience. Do not hesitate to ask a waiter to show, how this should be done correctly, and if it is absolutely difficult for you - ask him to bring you a fork or a spoon.

As for sushi - a slice of fish or other seafood lying on rice or wrapped in sea kale - men can eat it directly with hands, having dipped sideways in a soya sauce poured in a saucer. Women eat sushi only with sticks.

It is accepted to eat soup this way: at first drink broth directly from a flat dish, then use sticks to eat up refuelling or noodles. By the way, as for noodles, if it is long - and usually it is very long - you should cling it with sticks, bring to a mouth, and then suck in.

When they drink sake or beer, cups and glasses standing on a table, should not remain empty at all. Thus adding to yourself is considered a bad form, and to messmates - a very good.

Cups and flat dishes should be lifted with the left hand on a breast level and only after you finished your meal. If you were served a meal in a cup covered with a lid, after you have eaten, cover a cup again, and put sticks on a special support.

They say Japanese dishes are intended not to eat them, but to admire. However, it does not mean you should taste them slowly and in a meditative way: on the contrary, forget everything you were learnt by mum - sip and give a smacking kiss loudly. If you eat slowly and silently, cooks can take offence, as this means you underestimate their skill.

And bon appetite!