The blending of families:When yours and mine become ours

The blending of families is a common and yet challenging task. The days of the intact family, exempt from divorce, appears less noticeable in todays world. Changes in our family system pose a complex set of transitional difficulties. Making these changes takes commitment and hard work.

Handling divorce presents enough problems of its own, without the consideration of melding two families. How partners, who choose to dissolve their marriage, end up processing their divorce, plays a significant role in determining the outcome of future family relationships. Couples may maintain the marriage after the divorce by hanging on, feuding, and pitting the children in a nasty game. Couples may create emotional baggage that impacts the ability to reconfigure family life.

Adults and children need to feel safe before they can move on. Neither can move forward until they have fully let go of the past. Bringing unresolved baggage into a new relationship and prospective family life thwarts the potential for success. The new relationship after divorce may suffer from the pitfalls of partners resenting each other over on-going management of divorce issues, including finances, visitation structure and medical considerations for the children. Invariably, one partner may think his mate is being too passive in dealing with custodial issues with his former spouse. These differences in perspective may create unnecessary conflict. Frequently, a partners passivity with his ex-spouse may emerge out of a sense of false guilt. False guilt immobilizes people because they allow others to have a sense of power over them.

One of the pitfalls of the blended family is introducing children into the new family system prematurely. The grieving and healing process of divorce takes time, and forcing a new partner into the lives of children may backfire. Consumed with the excitement of a new relationship, couples can be too eager to involve their children into the newness they are experiencing. Childrens feelings need to be taken into consideration as they are asked to adapt to new family relationships. Children must be emotionally prepared to adequately deal with the ramifications of new family members or they will increasingly learn to resent the changes.

One of the most common perils of the blended family is allowing a step-parent to become the disciplinarian to the partners children. It is never advisable for a step-parent to discipline their partners children. It creates resentment and is a set-up for failure. It is imperative that the biological parent never lose sight of the need to nurture and oversee the discipline of their own children. Asking for parenting advice from a partner in a blended family is appropriate, but turning over responsibility for the discipline of ones children is not. Children want their own parents to maintain a strong sense of connectedness with them, set appropriate boundaries, and make decisions that affect their behavior and well-being.

Another issue important to the development of a blended family is making sure that each partner maintains a strong identity with their own children while integrating all children within the new family structure. Accomplishing this requires parenting patience, balance, communications and conflict resolution, including family meetings. Partners must avoid a sense of favoritism toward their own children, establishing new behavioral patterns that are in the best interest of all members of the new family. Being attuned to your partners needs and wants as well as those of the blended family children is essential. Expectations for increased involvement and communications among members of the blended family must be realistic. The chances for success of a blended family will increase if you will:

Resolve divorce related issues as effectively as possible.

Maintain a strong attachment to your own children so that they do not feel discarded or overshadowed by the blended family.

Be cautious and sensitive about introducing a new partner into your childrens lives.

Make sure that you handle all disciplinary matters directly related to your own children.

Spend alone time with your own children so that they do not feel overshadowed by the blended family.

Avoid any sense of favoritism regarding the blending of children. If there are parenting differences that are affecting the blended family, they should be discussed apart from the children, if needed with a third party.

Make any visitation process for the children as structured and as welcoming as possible.

Use family meetings as a way of handling blended family conflicts involving your children.

Of major importance is that children want to know that their parents are happy in a new relationship. Make sure that you build a committed, intimate relationship with your new partner and that you cultivate it by spending time apart from the children to develop it. The success of a blended family starts with a partners ability to communicate and promote understanding with their new blended family mate.

James P. Krehbiel, Ed.S., LPC is an author, freelance writer, and nationally certified cognitive-behavioral therapist practicing in Scottsdale, Arizona. His book, Stepping Out of the Bubble is available at www.booklocker.com. James can be reached at www.krehbielcounseling.com.

If husband does not want a child

Not all our husbands are ready to become fathers since the moment of family creation. Even after several years of a family life they are still morally unprepared for childbirth, then it becomes already a real problem that can cause various consequences.

If after some time your husband is still unprepared to have a child, do not wait for that happy moment for years, but analyze his behavior on this early stage and try to understand the problem. You should also remember following:

It is quite normal that during first time a man and woman sense different feelings (often contradictory) concerning their parental role. Future parents are often afraid that after childbirth they will lose their own freedom, have no time for entertainment, and lose a feeling that they can do everything in this world forever. Thought of children frightens everybody at first, especially those who have strained relationships with their own parents. A partner fear and uncertainty towards children is quite a normal thing. However, to overcome this problem, you need to talk more about children, giving your partner understanding that your family will become even happier and stronger after childbirth, but you will still have your own spare time.

Women and men prepare for parenting in different ways, someone needs more time, others less. A woman realizes she is pregnant earlier than her husband, she feels changes and is already prepared psychologically to become a mother since the moment of a baby first motions.

Men prefer denying changes in their lives, they understand they will soon become fathers, however, they still cannot feel these changes completely, as it is a woman who bears a baby. As a rule, husbands start understanding a father role only several months after childbirth.

You need to understand that a husband refusal from childbirth does not mean he does not want children. Most often he feels fear, so you should not treat your husband behavior as his unwillingness seeing you as a mother. To help your husband coping with the fear of childbirth, join your friends and close people who already have children to your problem. Ask them telling that the world does not change to bad after childbirth, ways of merry pastime with the whole family, how many pleasant moments their children presented them.

If you are already expecting a baby, give your husband understanding that now you need his support and comprehension as never before, try to explain his negative attitude to the situation makes you suffering and being depressed.

After you talk to your husband abut his fears, prepare him for a sincere conversation, during which you would try solving the problem of fatherhood together.

Do not like your work? Make friends with it!

Day after day everything goes the same way, waking up in the morning you already feel tired, thought of going to work causes terror and panic. You manage oversleeping or being late for work, even if earlier you were famous for your punctuality. Your closest people now arouse irritation in you, when they ask about things at your work, you turn red and white, simple words everything is ok require incredible efforts, and most often you just want to explode. When a boss comes with new recommendations, you can hardly resist a temptation to scratch a table with your nails.

What is happening? Diagnosis is simple. You hate your work. But why you are still here? What keeps you here? There can be many reasons, lets examine only several of them Heres a collection of self-mistakes and their exposure.

Im gaining experience

This is peculiar to young specialists that are just starting working after University, but in fact such hated work will rather cause complete aversion for this kind of activity and further you will have to train for a new profession, as the only thought of working in same area will make you sick. So if you are planning your carrier in one course, you should better consider pro and con.

Someone needs doing this

Strangely enough, this is the most popular argument. Yes, it seems if everybody starts doing only creative work, then there will be no none to wash floors and knock together stools. However, this is not truth, there are many people who really cannot create anything, and many creative people sooner or later understand that now they need to make a break and repair a workbench. If you realize you can do more do more. The world does not care for your sacrifices, no matter how sad it may seem, and everybody can take your place at Xerox, but there are less people wishing to do more difficult work, as it requires education.

Collective is just wonderful

Such also happens. But most often this is a justification for nice, very kind and responsive people whom others use to live at their expense. Colleagues adore them, bring coffee with cakes, congratulate on any occasion, only to load them with all the work. And this is done even unconsciously, theres a simple principle why should I do this, if somebody can do it for me? Look around, maybe it is only you who is working in this office, and rest people are busy with manicure, talking to friends on the phone and choosing new mascara in a catalogue? There are many good people in the world, your collective is not the only one maybe you will find even more of them in some other place?

Everything will come to naught here without me!

This argument is close to previous two ones. Welcome to the real world antique atlantes era is over, do you want to stand with the world on your shoulders during whole life? Surely, after your retiring colleagues will experience difficulties, but why should you bear this cross? Even birds sooner or later set their nestling free allowing them gaining independence. Of course, if this is a business of your whole life it will be difficult quitting it, but if this business causes aversion in you already? You cannot eat only chocolate during whole life only because some time it was a pink of happiness. Work should bring pleasure and satisfaction, not cause headache at one thought about it. After all, if sky collapses and crushes everyone, its not your fault nobody provided themselves with helmets!

Where will I go?

Nobody fires you right now. Everyone can start searching for a new job still working on previous place. Just do not repeat Bridget Johns mistake and edit your resume on your working place you can do this accurately at home and publish in Internet. Do not give a corporative e-mail some obsessed bosses read all post, and do not write your surname. You have a chance to receive a good offer, or your company will create more favorable conditions for you to make you stay.

15 years later Ill be an Assistant Director General

Policy of savings a year later you buy a washing machine, 5 years later a car, 10 years later a cottage, and then you will be happy. Theres a mistake then you will be not happy, but old. What if your company goes bankrupt? Or finds another specialist? Everything may happen, and your table will still stand in a corner.

No one will pay me more

Well, this is already seriously. If you are really assured in it you should better think longer. Of course, money is not the main thing, but their lack makes life much harder. Moreover, if you are a professional but still young specialist, you cannot count on a huge salary since the first month of work. However, this does not mean you should not search for it everyone has a right for fortune.

So, look at all these excuses, examine them carefully. Maybe you see your favorite one among them? If so, you should urgently change the situation! You know, when stress is accumulating in your organism for a long, it causes a long depression, and if your work is a reason, nobody will be able to pay your spent nerves and efforts later. Be careful a hated work can be more terrific than any vampire, sucking your blood, so try to gain immunity to excuses and start actions. It is quite possible that you wont have to change your work you just have to understand what disappoints you try to correct it.

Diet has a negative effect on man potency

According to researches, 40% men, having various sexual problems, first of all ?erection decrease up to its complete lack and accelerated ejaculation, suffer from overweight.

Peculiarities of our nutrition and slow-moving way of living are the reasons of it. Adiposity, first of all, is fraught with such ischemia risk factors as heightened blood pressure, impaired fat metabolism, and diabetes.

Often overeating becomes a habit while different emotional states: loneliness, boredom, fear, stress, continence and others.

Scientists strongly protest against hunger as a method of adiposity and overweight treatment. In such cases you get short-term weight loss, and soon one gains same weight and even bigger, than before starvation.

Besides, experts state while starvation a man potency is lowered and women suffer from intimate problems.

At the same time, scientists advise thinking about change of proteins and carbohydrates ratio, making nutrition separate ?at least 5 times during a day. Food should be rich in fibers, fresh fruits, and vegetables. High-calorie foods should be replaced by low-calorie ones. Animal fats should be replaced by vegetable, and sugar and sweets ?by sweeteners.

How to save your marriage

We hear and hear about divorces everythwre. This is a sure sign that the most respected institution is indeed in great danger. We do not already pay attention to the small details that support a marriage. You do not even remember his birthday or even the first time you met. Ability to listen is much more important than talking, remember this and try to save your marriage. Everyone has desire to be heard, especially men, as this makes them feeling loved and cared for. When he is talking try to look at him straight in the eyes and keep on nodding. This is a sure way of showing him that you are attentive and he will be encouraged to keep on talking.

Try to avoid complaining. If there is anything that can make your man to miss coming home are your endless complaints just about anything he does. Save your marriage by avoiding constant complaints. Men feel inferior and he may start feeling that he is not the right one for you. You should learn that no one is perfect and accept your partner just the way he is. When you feel your partner has wronged you in any way do not start yelling and throwing plates at him but create the right atmosphere around the table then put your point across in a loving and caring manner. This will make your partner feel respected.

Avoid making love right after a quarrel because this may make your partner feel that you are blackmailing him and he may not open up to you making the sexual ordeal boring to both of you. Try going for a walk instead just to relax his mind. During the walk keep thinking positively about your partner because he is the man you have decided to spend the rest of your life with. Remind him about your first date, how loving and caring he was at that time, and what attracted you to him. This will make him save your marriage by seriously starting to think of where and when he started going wrong and what he can do to bring the fire back to your marriage.

Little niceties like “i love you” at the end of a telephone conversation can help save your marriage because your partner will know he is still the man you love and care about. You should not have very high expectations about your man. This can push him off limits as he keeps on trying to prove himself to you. Remember the world outside is very cruel so when a man comes back home he needs a bit of tenderness, encouragement and love to make him strong enough to face another day. By choosing him to be your life partner simply means you had accepted him the way he is, never try to compare him with another man. Remember that you can never change a man be contented with what you have by making each day worth living. Make him feel appreciated.

15 ways to tell a man you are not interested in him

1. He: Haven’t we met before?

She: Probably, I work at venereal disease dispensary’s registry.

2. He: It seems, I’ve already met you somewhere?

She: Yes, and that’s why I do not go there any more.

3. He: Is this place free?

She: Yes, and mine will also be released, if you sit down.

4. He: What if we go to my place?

She: I’m not assured we will get together into one dustbin.

5. He: Will we go to your place or mine?

She: Simultaneously. You - to your place, and me - to mine.

6. He: I’d like to call you. What’s your number?

She: It’s in the telephone book.

He: But I even do not know your name!

She: It is also in the directory.

7. He: So than, what do you do in life?

She: I’m a transvestite.

8. He: What’s your sign?

She: Input is prohibited.

9. He: Which eggs do you like for a breakfast?

She: Not impregnating!

10. He: Well, here you are! Do not hide, you are in this club for the same reason, as I…

She: Really? Hooking?

11. He: I’m here to embody your most courageous imaginations!

She: You want to tell you have a goat and a German shepherd?

12. He: I want to score you.

She: Unfortunately, I do not accept cheap gifts.

13. He: If I could see you naked, I would die of happiness.

She: Perhaps, but if I have seen you naked, I would die of laughter.

14. He: For the sake of you I will go down and under…

She: Yes, and maybe you could stay there?

15. He: How do you manage looking so good?

She: I do reverse things to what you do.

How to manage your stress

A modern woman’s life is a continuous train of quickly replaced events, many of which become a stress reason. Traffic jams, a child’s not always good marks at school, unpleasant meetings, a time trouble on work, and even long-awaited advancement, which, apparently, is exclusively joyful event - all this can lead to stress. And what is stress? It is heightened irritability, nervousness, tears on trifles, headaches, feeling sick, sleeplessness ?And it is far not a full list of what a person can get together with stress.

It is obvious that for inhabitant of a city stress concerns a category of inadmissible. Which modern woman can successfully consult with all affairs after sleepless nights, suffering headache attacks, loosened nervous system? And if she can, how long? It is not necessary to execute such experiments, after all they will not pass completely for your health. Instead, it is better to master methods, with which help it is possible to manage stress and get rid of it. And then in any situation, even the most unpredictable, you will appear the mistress of position, instead of the hostage of stress.

How to avoid

In life there are situations when it is necessary to control yourself here and now, and not to allow stress seizing you. In such cases it is possible to take advantage of simple, but very effective ways.

Way 1. It is necessary to execute simple exercise. For this purpose you should not rise from a chair at all, just extend your hands forward, and then weaken them sharply. Hands thus will fall to knees. If it is necessary, this exercise can be repeated in fifteen minutes. The matter is that during stressful situations people can strain and lift shoulders, and it makes breath shallow. Such breath provokes emission of stress hormones, and raising of hands forces a person inhaling more deeply, therefore enough oxygen and level of stressful hormones comes to blood. Also it is possible to make thirty deep breaths. It is necessary to inhale and exhale through a nose, and at a breath to try filling with oxygen a stomach area, instead of lungs.

Way 2. It is necessary to think up some reasons for pleasure at present. For example, it is possible to be glad to good weather, think that soon a lunch break comes, recollect that in the evening you will go to a night club or view your favourite telecast ?Start to reflect and at once you will understand that there are many reasons for pleasure. Surprisingly, but your condition becomes quieter and mood improves.

Way 3. Go for a short walk. It is a question of walk, slow, quiet. It is known that during a nervous tension one’s movements become sharp, gusty, fast. Therefore slow walk will allow calming your nervous system. Atmosphere change will also work favorably. And for bigger efficiency during a walk it is possible to eat an ice-cream or chocolate.

How to get rid

If stress has already seized you all the same, there are some ways with which help it is possible to get rid of its influence.

1. Do not keep it in yourself, share, express yourself. Every woman resorted to this way, and possibly, not once. After all you still shared your experiences and sensations with a girlfriend, mum, or other loved one. Really, thus a person is released from negative emotions. Besides, during conversations we hear opinion of other person, often it leads to understanding of the reasons of an event. Thus, the stress gradually disappears, and self-trust replaces it.

It is possible to tell everything to your pet or a toy. And no matter that they cannot advise you anything, your negative emotions will be stated.

If you have nothing to share your thoughts with, it is possible to talk to yourself, having settled down in front of the mirror comfortably. After such conversation relief will necessarily come.

Well and if the variant with conversations in front of the mirror is not pleasant to you, it is possible to write a letter. You can start it with the words Hi, my dear, and further tell about all events, emotions and experiences. Probably, such way will help to understand a problem quickly and see its reason and decision, after all we build written speech more logically and it is shorter, than oral.

2. Give vent to tears. Tears really allow getting rid of negative emotions. It is one of the most effective ways which can be used to win stress. It is possible to cry under a shower. Water possesses calming and weakening effect. Tears and all problems will flow away together with water streams, and confidence, a peace of mind and calmness will come instead.

3. Present yourself a holiday. Or simply make a gift. Nothing helps cheering up, as a gift. It is possible to buy a thing of which you’ve been dreaming for a long time, maybe a new jacket, a book, good coffee or pleasant knickknack. The main thing ?it should bring you pleasure. Also a sensation of a holiday perfectly cheers you up. Arrange a holiday for yourself!

Preventive measures

To master stress, it is possible to drink some mugs of tea in day. The matter is that active components of black tea possess ability to lower level of stress hormone in an organism. Those people who regularly drink tea, manage stress more successfully, than those who prefer other drinks. So tea breaks during a working day are very useful.

Yoga helps raising your ability to handle stress. Yoga will allow you learning to relax, and also improve concentration.

Do not forget about dialogue with an opposite sex. About close dialogue. It considerably raises level of stability to influence of stresses. And it is a question not only of sex, but also about kisses. Kiss more often, it is not only pleasant, but also useful.

Try to sleep not less than eight hours a day, as it is necessary for organism to gain strength before a new day and restore those forces which it spent during a previous day. It happens better and faster during a dream.

Now you know how to manage your stress. Remember ?life is fine! And if it is not, make it fine. Everything is in your hands! Be a mistress of your life!

How to make a woman happy?

How to make a woman happy? It seems it is not too difficult! You just should be:

1) a Friend

2) a Companion

3) a Lover

4) a Brother

5) a Father

6) a Master

7) a Teacher

a Cook

9) a Roofer

10) a Sanitary technician

11) a Mechanic

12) a Set dresser

13) a Stylist

14) a Sexopathologist

15) a Gynaecologist

16) a Psychologist

17) a Psychiatrist

18) a Therapist

19) Courageous

20) an Organizer

21) a good father

22) clean

23) cheerful

24) kind

25) generous

26) tender

27) careful

28) gallant

29) intelligent

30) well-educated

31) with sense of humour

32) inventive

33) sportive

34) strong

35) understanding

36) compliant

37) tolerant

38) indulgent

39) cautious

40) soft

41) relaxed

42) ambitious

43) resolute

44) reliable

45) enthusiastic

46) polite

47)…..47) …..

48)…..48) …..

Etc.

Without forgetting thus:

49) making frequent compliments

50) to like to be engaged in shopping

51) not to row and not to search for problems

52) to be rich

53) not to irritate her

54) not to look at other girls

At the same time you need:

55) to be attentive to her

56) not to be jealous

57) to get on with her family

58) to find time for her…. At the same time leaving her space

VERY IMPORTANT:

59) NEVER!!! forget dates

* Birthday

* The first meeting

* Engagement

* Wedding

Unfortunately, even observing all these rules strictly, her happiness… is not guaranteed, because she can choke with perfection of her companion and run away with the first comer: swine-alcoholic-ladies’ man.

How to make a man happy

1) sleep with him

2) leave him alone

Tired of your man

Each of us starts being interested in psychology during certain periods of our life. Even if you are clever by nature and well educated, having faced impossibility to explain your man’s words and acts from position of common sense and female logic, start searching for answers to arisen questions in features of man’s psychology.

Sometimes it starts with the discussion of a problem with your wise girlfriend, and comes to an end with consultation of a psychologist or session of a psychotherapist.

Obsessed with order

- About once a week we gather in a close female circle and, as a rule, start gossiping about our husbands. Well, what to do, if our married life turned to be so sad?! We do not hesitate in expressions, because we know each other two ten years. Marsha’s husband ?a terrible miser, Lina’s ?a terry egoist, Lora’s one poses as the know-it-all. I receive most of all female sympathy. Have you ever seen anything like a man obsessed with order and cleanliness and their observance became his complex, because of them he cannot allow his wife and child living normally?!

During the first year after wedding his behaviour touched, surprised, and even shocked me. I could come home from work, and he had already boiled kitchen towels, ironed his and my pants from two sides, chlorinated toilet bowl and bath?“You can change clothes for a pure dressing gown, wash hands with bactericidal soap, go on kitchen to have a supper, I have spent disinfection there, and soup is boiled” - he could say to me. While I was eating in an ideally pure kitchen from sterilised ware, he was already in a room washing up windows for the second time for a week.

On the one hand, everything was fine: ideal order in a house, almost everything was made by my man’s hands. On the other hand, he is somehow not a real man. When our daughter was born, it became more difficult for me to support the cleanliness induced by husband during a day. The first quarrels started, and now we even have scandals. My girlfriends and relatives, even some of his friends are on my side. All of them agree that he is a person heavy in dialogue.

Sometimes, when my husband washes ware or wipes dust with enthusiasm, it seems to me that if me and our daughter would leave this sterile apartment, he would not even notice our absence. Probably, he even will be happy from that consciousness that now nobody will raise dust, pollute nothing. Therefore I also started talking about divorce.

Undersized not recognised genius

- After wedding I turned to a wife of man with complexes at once. He was suddenly overcome by painful comprehension of his abnormality ?he is too scrubby, you see. And where were his eyes, when he courted me round during two years, and then proposed me?! I tried to treat the situation with sense of humor. I refused high heels and hairdresses, even started slouching. Nothing could help. When I gave birth to a daughter, he calmed down.

Soon he started composing music. It would seem, everything was fine. But far from it. Suddenly he turned to a such superexcitable, vulnerable being. He was so sensitive! But only when something concerned him personally. What would become with our life if I would also start letting out plaintive cries, lying on a sofa?

Through some time there was a disk with his songs. Since then he became a talent, a genius. The vanity instinct passed in a vanity hunger, his “aura” became even more sensitive. And I was obliged to go round him on tiptoe, blowing off the smallest motes of possible insult. Then you sit and you puzzle, you guess what it would mean. You do it in vain, the insult is present in him incessantly.

My husband’s original tortures made a victim of me. His sense of superiority and self-conceit going beyond all limits are simply intolerable. I need to save the pain, condensing bitterness of disappointment. I am doomed to console my talented one constantly. And my bowl of disappointments is already full. I need consolation and help more than he.

Perhaps, I should cease listening and look narrowly at him? He can search for such kind of woman, who has ears and heart for these speeches and acts.

I will address to doctors

So, you were awfully bothered with his complexes. You plan a campaign to a psychologist or even psychiatrist. It is possible to assume, how this action will end.

Conversation with a doctor, as a rule, convinces in nothing. Results of inspection prove the obvious: activity decrease, emotional devastation, prevalence of closed internal life, discharge from external world, decline of mental activity. All this can be shown in the form of attacks or is continuous during certain time. If a man “possesses” all this things in mild degree, the diagnosis is following ?a person fluctuating between health and illness.

An expert will try to force you turning close attention on scientifically established psychological features of males. Though and before you had no doubts on presence of essential universal-biological or reflecting forms of sexual division of social roles and work of distinctions between a man and woman. And you will leave the doctor with “walking” stereotypes about uniqueness of such vulnerable beings ?men.

What to do? To bargain one trouble for another, man with complexes for an obsessed one? So we live this way: their problems ?our sufferings. We are already burdened by our own complexes. Promiseds carried us to such condition.

Attractive women make men more generous

What can force a man to become more generous and present more gifts? Scientists are assured: for this purpose an attractive woman should be near him.

British psychologists’ researches show that a man becomes more generous to win an arrangement of a woman he likes. Such law has not been revealed for women.

Psychologists found out that by means of gifts a man tries to prove a woman he suits her and is capable to put forces and means in further development of their relations.

Previous researches proved that women are involved more with generous men. For short relations women prefer men of heroic type. But in long-term relations they wish to see a generous altruist as a partner.

Top 9 celebrity phobias

Each person is afraid of something, there are no fearless people in reality. Someone to a greater measure, someone ?lesser. Someone panics because of it, others ?just do not pay attention. And what phobias celebrities have and how they struggle with them?

1. Richard Gere

Richard Gere - a big judge of a female, but he does not stand when women clean a premise, sweep a floor or sidewalks in front of his house. He suffers from the strongest allergy on a dust. There is even a joke: “If you want Richard Gere not coming to your place, hang on a tablet “Premise cleaning” and you are free from Gere”.

2. Marlene Dietrich

German movie star Marlene Dietrich also was afraid of microbes. She always had a small bottle of medical spirit on call to disinfect a toilet bowl seat with it.

3. Sean Connery

Sean Connery, legendary James Bond, is afraid to see a red traffic light, his hands grow cold immediately and the fever begins.

4. Federico Fellini

A great film director Federico Fellini preferred silence and darkness. However, darkness scarifies Madonna and Keanu Reeves.

5. Sharon Stone

Sharon Stone does not switch on the TV, if she is alone in a room. It seems to her, that it can blow up every minute.

6. Colin Farrell

Colin Farrell is not afraid to die of lung cancer, therefore he smokes godlessly. He is not afraid to knock into Angelina Jolie’s room in the night, and he even is not afraid of snakes. But he has clammy sweat at just one thought that he should fly by a plane. Therefore he never travels alone. On the journey he is constantly accompanied by a couple of people from a film crew. However, Jennifer Aniston and Whoopi Goldberg are also afraid to fly.

7. Sara Gellar

Sarah Michelle Gellar does not stand cemeteries. At shootings of a teleserial producers even had to create an artificial cemetery.

8. Matthew McConaughey

The superhero of “Sahara” Matthew McConaughey can go to a pedestrian hike through a desert without ceremony or go down on a raft across Amazon. But he gives in in front of… rotating doors and dark tunnels.

9. Nicole Kidman

And, finally, Nicole Kidman is afraid of the most harmless creatures in the world - butterflies.

15 ways to express your love

Wish to make a declaration of love to your beloved? But do not know, how to make it? There is a weight of ways: it is possible to tell just I love you, or I cannot live without you, or You are everything for me!. And it is possible to keep silent ?But allowing him hearing inexpressible, deeply experienced, sincere and coming from the bottom of your heart.

So, 15 ways of love declaration are offered to you. Alternative ways. They can be useful to you in the offered kind, and maybe they will tell you new ways of expression of feelings, and you will expand the list to 30, 40 or 50. Dare ?and do not be afraid of your feelings!

1. Suggest him to go riding on horses. Finish walk by a picnic on a wood glade. Bring a meal cooked in advance to have a snack.

2. Smile to him more often and think about your feelings. He will definitely feel it. And for this purpose it is absolutely unessential to wait an occasion!

3. Take in hire a video film which you once have looked together for the first time. If he chews chips, looking in the TV, try to make it synchronously with him. A meeting of your hands in a package with chips can become fatal for tonight.

4. While he takes a shower, iron a towel and give it to him behind until it is still warm, when you hear water noise has stopped.

5. Use fruits on a kitchen to compose three words “I love you” and wait silently, while he sees this work of art. If he does not love fruits or for any you have not them at the moment of your creative impulse, show ingenuity: in any house you can find a few macaroni (imagine a flowery style you can use with them?), a salt pack (of course, only not for superstitious) or sugar packing - that will be even more original!

6. Look through his clothes and sew come off buttons on his jackets, shirts and trousers. Try to satisfy one condition: do not tell him about it!

7. Put an ice, filled in the form of heart, in his glass and a candy in the form of heart into a pocket of his jacket.

8. Before work put a box with home meal imperceptibly into his portfolio. Just check up, that a box is densely closed, and food is not in liquid condition. Otherwise your small surprise can be misapprehended.

9. Play with him his favourite game, even if it is called “Sea fight”, and you are guided in the Cartesian system of co-ordinates badly. (If you preferred a game which you understand better than him, do not forget allowing him to win too!)

10. Turn on music with his favourite songs at home or in a car.

11. Invite him meeting a dawn together.

12. Let the freezer of your refrigerator be always hammered by his favourite ice-cream!

13. Join his morning jog with a plausible smile.

14. Cook him a dish he loves, but knows well that you hate it.

15. As a sign of special love make a housework which he got tired to do from year to year: for example, cut a lawn, paste (beat) unstuck wall-paper, clean waste in a kitchen bowl, walk his favourite doggie ?/p>

Infidelity: how to avoid

Anyone can cheat. If a combination of important reasons and worthy occasions provokes you doing this. Without it infidelity is awful and harmful evil. But whatever one may do, the reason of infidelity always roots in ourselves.

A husband only gives you an occasion which plays a role of the trigger mechanism of infidelity. There are few reasons in marriage, but many occasions, alas.

So, what to do, not to admit infidelity?

1. Cease suspecting him of infidelity constantly

Suspicions kill relations. There are such moral masochists, who are simply vital to tell fortunes at a leisure ?whether second half cheats or not. Similar impulses become especially active at conversations with %26#8220;suffered%26#8221; friends or girlfriends. Here thoughts about whom he is with now start crowding in a head, whether he (she) cheats, while I%26#8217;m working here? Be cautious, similar turn can outgrow in a clinical form. The following stage ?shadowing.

2. Do not watch your partner at all.

Even if there are some suspicions, proved by some indirect facts or certificates, it is not necessary to open hunting. As a rule, girl-friends, grandmothers and detectives are involved in it. People resort to the help of various dodges and provocations. There are lots of organisations which can offer on a choice an attractive individual to %26#8220;seduce%26#8221; your loved one. Don%26#8217;t you think it is very silly? According to statistics, about 80 % of men peck on this dodge. It turns out, even young men who did not cheat before, actually put horns.

I will result a joke: a wife, suspecting her husband of adultery, sends a son to chase him. Having returned an hour later, son informs his mum: %26#8220;Daddy went to a shop. On a road he met a woman and took her into his car and went with it to a secluded corner of wood. From bushes I saw, how they absolutely naked%26#8230;%26#8221;. %26#8220;The rest you will tell in the evening at supper%26#8221;, - mother interrupts. There has come a supper. The son repeats the whole story to a family and finishes with such words: %26#8220;And then%26#8230; And then daddy did the same as mum did with our neighbour, when she stay alone at home%26#8221;.

3. Learn to trust!

If you noticed some signs telling of adultery, do not hurry up with negative conclusions. Think, maybe justifications you loved one shows, actually are true.

4. Remember: there is also your fault in treasury.

Majority is inclined to accuse everybody, only not themselves. At the same time, it is known long ago that adultery follows from dissatisfaction both physical, and moral. In particular, impossibility of expression of such delicate thing, as sexual imagination leads to it.

Experts confirm, if imaginations do not find an exit in sex within the limits of a family, a husband or a wife will seek pleasures elsewhere. There is a question: who should start? Certainly, the one who is a leader of a married couple. Sometimes these are wives, but more often - husbands. If a family leader does not start a conversation, a weak partner will never open. If a partner waves away from offers to talk on this theme or is even rude, it is a sign of that there is a serious emotional rupture between you.

Emotional bond is an indispensable condition of that a partner will want to tell something. And still it is necessarily to keep in mind: a family partner can tell only about those imaginations in which he can take part, which do not offend him and will bring pleasure to him.

So, just try to understand, (if all the same it has occurred) what has induced your loved one on adultery. Who knows, maybe your relations just lack sincerity and understanding?

40 facts you didn

They say, men are from Mars, women ?from Venus. They consider us not clear beings, and we, accordingly, think the same about them. 40 facts will learn the stronger sex understanding women better, and maybe we will also understand ourselves better ?/p>

1. A woman never takes off a T-shirt, having seized on a back.

2. Women do not scratch in a nape. First, they do not like showing confusion, secondly, it spoils a hairdress.

3. A woman often reels up hair locks, even short, on a finger or tickles a cheek with a brush from hair. Men seldom do so.

4. A woman will never understand, why football players, standing in a wall, do such ridiculous hill by palms. Therefore she does not shudder, when in a movie a hero receives a blow by a boot in a crotch.

5. A woman does not bite a cigarette with teeth. She does not leave it in a mouth, and always holds in a hand.

6. Yawning, a woman covers a mouth with a palm, instead of a fist.

7. Having taken a bath, a woman - whether she is long-haired, short-haired or had been ill with a typhus - necessarily reels up an amateur similarity of a turban from a towel on her head, for at least one minute. The reasons of occurrence of this east ritual are unknown.

8. A woman practically does not irritate, when lingerie jams between buttocks. The fair sex gladly names all these awful adaptations “bikini”. Besides, usually a woman does not try to fix lingerie behind imperceptibly, having risen from a chair.

9. Raising to throw something, a woman takes away her hand not sideways, but back. For this reason ladies are never send to blow up tanks.

10. Women like these torn brooms bringing so much dust. They name them “compositions from dry flowers”.

11. Shaking hands, a woman almost does not shake it.

12. Turning around on call, a woman usually turns only a head. A man also turns a case, as his neck is much less flexible.

13. Women are afraid of spiders, worms and mice. They also do not like caterpillars, even very beautiful.

14. Overwhelming majority of women consider washing with water and soap harmful (What exactly they use to wash faces - look in a bathroom).

15. Having sex, a woman thinks of whether she looks beautiful.

16. On an offer to show hands a man often stretches open palms. Women stretch hands palms downwards, probably to show irreproachable manicure and size of brilliants.

17. Words a woman says having struck a hammer on a finger can be published without censorship. Words a man speaks in such cases are impossible to broadcast.

18. Women open beer bottles with church keys.

19. Women prefer chest type of breath. Men use abdominal tension muscles.

20. Women do not like, when their hands are free. Therefore they always carry a handbag with themselves - to finger its strap, hold its edge and dig in it all the time. Everything will approach for the lack of a handbag - a fan, gloves, a book, a flower.

21. Women try rising or climbing down a mountain sideways. Men simply place feet more widely.

22. Woman prefer looking at her heels, turning round. Men simply turn the lifted foot.

23. Women are rather indifferent to their genitals, have discharged relation, they are almost unfamiliar with each other. Women do not talk to them, do not give them playful nicknames, do not take offence at them.

24. A woman walks along heated pebble or sand on tiptoe. A man walks only on heels.

25. Sitting down, women compress knees or simply hold them in parallel. Therefore in public transport it is more preferable to have a lady as a neighbour.

26. Stretching, men scatter or lift hands, and women bend them in elbows, pressing to sides.

27. Aspiration to compromise, inherent in a female, affects in how they tell abusive jokes. They can dare to tell even a dirty joke publicly. But will murmur a keyword so muffledly that anybody will disassemble nothing. Even more often they try to transfer an indecent highlight using mimicry, gesticulation and a desperate look.

28. A belt on a woman’s dressing gown is fastened above a navel, man’s - lower.

29. If a woman’s fly becomes unbuttoned in the street, she will concern this circumstance indifferently enough and clasp trousers easy.

30. A woman stops her ears with fingers, men - with palms.

31. When you ask a woman to pass you a lighter, she passes you a lighter, instead checking your spring ability and reaction.

32. If a man, from a woman’s point of view, behaves like a monkey, we also can note some atavisms which our ladies inherited from our ancestors. For example, they can be searching insects in a wool of their male for hours. In the absence of small arthropods, women are satisfied with eels and heat-spots.

33. Dressing, a woman firstly will put on a shirt, then - trousers. Men usually act on the contrary.

34. A woman puts on gloves before going outside.

35. Lifting a heavy object, a woman will try to move it sideways. A man bears cargo before himself.

36. Woman prefer keeping loose change and banknotes in the same place. Their pockets seldom ding.

37. At a punch a woman exposes a thumb forward.

38. When women sit, they have a habit to turn a foot under themselves and rest a heel in a crotch. Men do not allow such things to themselves.

39. To wring out wet linen manually, a woman undertakes it with palms upwards, a man - palms downwards.

40. And still: after sex a woman wants to kiss and talk, not sleep.

Want to change your husband?

Unfortunately, many women know this phenomenon, when in the course of time husbands change, and their relation to wives changes, accordingly. Many say there are no ways of overcoming of this problem. But we know they exist!

A love boat was broken due to everyday life… How many married couples are ready to agree with this phrase! Alas, toilet paper on a toilet bowl cover sometimes is more terrible threat to marriage, than matrimonial change. And as though girls did not convince themselves that, having married, they will not spoil husbands’ and their own blood because of household problems, this nevertheless does not turn out in any way.

Habit is a second nature. You even do not represent, how it is difficult to refuse them! But will feel to the full when you will try to learn a husband putting his socks in this basket and open a milk package with scissors, instead of a knife. He cannot understand in any way why you so are upset with roughly picked corner of polyethylene. And you also cannot explain it, but continue to be angry.

Many psychologists connect a problem of modern marriages instability with the fact they are executed in rather late age. By 25-30 years you already have certain habits, and refusing them is extremely difficult. And it is much easier for a 20-year-old woman to “be arranged” under her husband. However, too early marriages effected before 20 years, are also undesirable. In such tender age character and outlook on life were not generated yet, and a person makes a choice unwittingly.

Wise mums very often repeat to daughters: Remember - you cannot alter a man. However, listening to mums is unfashionable today, and unshakable true can be learnt only on a private experience. As a heroine of a popular serial spoke, you can change only a man’s clothes and hairdress, and still there will problems with it. If you still believe force of love is capable to cure an inveterate addict, transform a rude fellow into intellectual, and idler in a hard worker, re-read “Oblomov”.

You cannot change “material” a man is made of. But it is possible to “facet” it by means of competent education. As a rule, a woman tries to make it through a method of constant reproaches. Alas, this way is not only inefficient, but also extremely harmful. So, what to do? Neglect everything? Certainly, no. It is necessary to be engaged in education, but through other methods.

First of all, estimate initial material. Remember: if a man does not beat, drink, is not drug addicted, he is a good man. If in addition he can work and even earn, he is an excellent man. Bulged ears and foolish words - trifles similar to a picked milk package.

You should bring up your husband from the first day of a honeymoon. But women usually “bethink” little later, when a man has already decided that washing ware and vacuuming carpet are not his duties. It is even better even to find out, whether he is ready to share household routine with you yet before wedding. Majority of men, strangely enough, agree that helping wife on economy is not shameful.

Besides, it is necessary to understand, what degree of cleanliness is necessary for him. Perhaps, he needs only buckwheat with a cutlet for a supper and washing vacuum cleaning once a week. And maybe, you will have to wash floors twice a day and master Italian cuisine secrets. In the latter case it is better to think, whether it is necessary to connect your life with such person in general.

Sending a husband to shop for products, you risk to receive not that you required. But you should not give up this thought. At first, go for purchases together with him. Thus he learns, what washing powder and oil for frying you prefer. Then be limited only to the list of products. Sooner or later a husband will catch laws of your taste and learn buying everything by himself.

Involving your beloved in cooking is difficult enough. Here you can go on cunning. Men like every possible artful adaptations very much. Having got a modern microwave and represented that you can not learn working with it, you will open your husband a fine possibility to show a class. Just do not forget to admire his culinary masterpieces! Spice-cake in home life is, as a rule, much more effective than whip.

Instead of constant monotonous reproaches use logic arguments. For example, explain that if have no time for yourself, you will grow fat and become ugly quickly.

Apply radical methods. If you do not like your husband’s clothes, do not reproach him with it every morning. Choose the right time and throw out old things from his case, having replaced them with new ones. You will manage a maximum one storm. Then a man will get used to a new image. However, you should buy clothes together with him, so that he would not buy a shapeless grey sweater again.

And never forget about praise! A flower will never blossom without watering. Very many well-known people said their wives helped them achieving successes. This are not flattery and aspiration to please, but fact ascertaining. If you constantly explain your man he is the best, support him in all undertakings, unostentatiously giving advice, he will find self-trust and rush to realise his talents. The result will not keep you waiting.

Do not like your work? Make friends with it!

Day after day everything goes the same way, waking up in the morning you already feel tired, thought of going to work causes terror and panic. You manage oversleeping or being late for work, even if earlier you were famous for your punctuality. Your closest people now arouse irritation in you, when they ask about things at your work, you turn red and white, simple words everything is ok require incredible efforts, and most often you just want to explode. When a boss comes with new recommendations, you can hardly resist a temptation to scratch a table with your nails.

What is happening? Diagnosis is simple. You hate your work. But why you are still here? What keeps you here? There can be many reasons, lets examine only several of them Heres a collection of self-mistakes and their exposure.

Im gaining experience

This is peculiar to young specialists that are just starting working after University, but in fact such hated work will rather cause complete aversion for this kind of activity and further you will have to train for a new profession, as the only thought of working in same area will make you sick. So if you are planning your carrier in one course, you should better consider pro and con.

Someone needs doing this

Strangely enough, this is the most popular argument. Yes, it seems if everybody starts doing only creative work, then there will be no none to wash floors and knock together stools. However, this is not truth, there are many people who really cannot create anything, and many creative people sooner or later understand that now they need to make a break and repair a workbench. If you realize you can do more do more. The world does not care for your sacrifices, no matter how sad it may seem, and everybody can take your place at Xerox, but there are less people wishing to do more difficult work, as it requires education.

Collective is just wonderful

Such also happens. But most often this is a justification for nice, very kind and responsive people whom others use to live at their expense. Colleagues adore them, bring coffee with cakes, congratulate on any occasion, only to load them with all the work. And this is done even unconsciously, theres a simple principle why should I do this, if somebody can do it for me? Look around, maybe it is only you who is working in this office, and rest people are busy with manicure, talking to friends on the phone and choosing new mascara in a catalogue? There are many good people in the world, your collective is not the only one maybe you will find even more of them in some other place?

Everything will come to naught here without me!

This argument is close to previous two ones. Welcome to the real world antique atlantes era is over, do you want to stand with the world on your shoulders during whole life? Surely, after your retiring colleagues will experience difficulties, but why should you bear this cross? Even birds sooner or later set their nestling free allowing them gaining independence. Of course, if this is a business of your whole life it will be difficult quitting it, but if this business causes aversion in you already? You cannot eat only chocolate during whole life only because some time it was a pink of happiness. Work should bring pleasure and satisfaction, not cause headache at one thought about it. After all, if sky collapses and crushes everyone, its not your fault nobody provided themselves with helmets!

Where will I go?

Nobody fires you right now. Everyone can start searching for a new job still working on previous place. Just do not repeat Bridget Johns mistake and edit your resume on your working place you can do this accurately at home and publish in Internet. Do not give a corporative e-mail some obsessed bosses read all post, and do not write your surname. You have a chance to receive a good offer, or your company will create more favorable conditions for you to make you stay.

15 years later Ill be an Assistant Director General

Policy of savings a year later you buy a washing machine, 5 years later a car, 10 years later a cottage, and then you will be happy. Theres a mistake then you will be not happy, but old. What if your company goes bankrupt? Or finds another specialist? Everything may happen, and your table will still stand in a corner.

No one will pay me more

Well, this is already seriously. If you are really assured in it you should better think longer. Of course, money is not the main thing, but their lack makes life much harder. Moreover, if you are a professional but still young specialist, you cannot count on a huge salary since the first month of work. However, this does not mean you should not search for it everyone has a right for fortune.

So, look at all these excuses, examine them carefully. Maybe you see your favorite one among them? If so, you should urgently change the situation! You know, when stress is accumulating in your organism for a long, it causes a long depression, and if your work is a reason, nobody will be able to pay your spent nerves and efforts later. Be careful a hated work can be more terrific than any vampire, sucking your blood, so try to gain immunity to excuses and start actions. It is quite possible that you wont have to change your work you just have to understand what disappoints you try to correct it.