Tired of your man

Each of us starts being interested in psychology during certain periods of our life. Even if you are clever by nature and well educated, having faced impossibility to explain your man’s words and acts from position of common sense and female logic, start searching for answers to arisen questions in features of man’s psychology.

Sometimes it starts with the discussion of a problem with your wise girlfriend, and comes to an end with consultation of a psychologist or session of a psychotherapist.

Obsessed with order

- About once a week we gather in a close female circle and, as a rule, start gossiping about our husbands. Well, what to do, if our married life turned to be so sad?! We do not hesitate in expressions, because we know each other two ten years. Marsha’s husband ?a terrible miser, Lina’s ?a terry egoist, Lora’s one poses as the know-it-all. I receive most of all female sympathy. Have you ever seen anything like a man obsessed with order and cleanliness and their observance became his complex, because of them he cannot allow his wife and child living normally?!

During the first year after wedding his behaviour touched, surprised, and even shocked me. I could come home from work, and he had already boiled kitchen towels, ironed his and my pants from two sides, chlorinated toilet bowl and bath?“You can change clothes for a pure dressing gown, wash hands with bactericidal soap, go on kitchen to have a supper, I have spent disinfection there, and soup is boiled” - he could say to me. While I was eating in an ideally pure kitchen from sterilised ware, he was already in a room washing up windows for the second time for a week.

On the one hand, everything was fine: ideal order in a house, almost everything was made by my man’s hands. On the other hand, he is somehow not a real man. When our daughter was born, it became more difficult for me to support the cleanliness induced by husband during a day. The first quarrels started, and now we even have scandals. My girlfriends and relatives, even some of his friends are on my side. All of them agree that he is a person heavy in dialogue.

Sometimes, when my husband washes ware or wipes dust with enthusiasm, it seems to me that if me and our daughter would leave this sterile apartment, he would not even notice our absence. Probably, he even will be happy from that consciousness that now nobody will raise dust, pollute nothing. Therefore I also started talking about divorce.

Undersized not recognised genius

- After wedding I turned to a wife of man with complexes at once. He was suddenly overcome by painful comprehension of his abnormality ?he is too scrubby, you see. And where were his eyes, when he courted me round during two years, and then proposed me?! I tried to treat the situation with sense of humor. I refused high heels and hairdresses, even started slouching. Nothing could help. When I gave birth to a daughter, he calmed down.

Soon he started composing music. It would seem, everything was fine. But far from it. Suddenly he turned to a such superexcitable, vulnerable being. He was so sensitive! But only when something concerned him personally. What would become with our life if I would also start letting out plaintive cries, lying on a sofa?

Through some time there was a disk with his songs. Since then he became a talent, a genius. The vanity instinct passed in a vanity hunger, his “aura” became even more sensitive. And I was obliged to go round him on tiptoe, blowing off the smallest motes of possible insult. Then you sit and you puzzle, you guess what it would mean. You do it in vain, the insult is present in him incessantly.

My husband’s original tortures made a victim of me. His sense of superiority and self-conceit going beyond all limits are simply intolerable. I need to save the pain, condensing bitterness of disappointment. I am doomed to console my talented one constantly. And my bowl of disappointments is already full. I need consolation and help more than he.

Perhaps, I should cease listening and look narrowly at him? He can search for such kind of woman, who has ears and heart for these speeches and acts.

I will address to doctors

So, you were awfully bothered with his complexes. You plan a campaign to a psychologist or even psychiatrist. It is possible to assume, how this action will end.

Conversation with a doctor, as a rule, convinces in nothing. Results of inspection prove the obvious: activity decrease, emotional devastation, prevalence of closed internal life, discharge from external world, decline of mental activity. All this can be shown in the form of attacks or is continuous during certain time. If a man “possesses” all this things in mild degree, the diagnosis is following ?a person fluctuating between health and illness.

An expert will try to force you turning close attention on scientifically established psychological features of males. Though and before you had no doubts on presence of essential universal-biological or reflecting forms of sexual division of social roles and work of distinctions between a man and woman. And you will leave the doctor with “walking” stereotypes about uniqueness of such vulnerable beings ?men.

What to do? To bargain one trouble for another, man with complexes for an obsessed one? So we live this way: their problems ?our sufferings. We are already burdened by our own complexes. Promiseds carried us to such condition.